


Insanity

by cadkitten



Category: MUCC, Plastic Tree
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Fluff, Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-14
Updated: 2008-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-14 00:48:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/509545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...the thoughts changed, they grew fangs and sunk their tiny little pin-point teeth into my flesh. They drank from me more than they ever should have and now this bitter, angst-ridden me is all that's left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insanity

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh, I know! Forgive me. *hides under desk*  
> Song: "Touei" by MUCC

I know it seems odd to say this, but I honestly think Ryutaro is beautiful. Not just in any old way, either. His beauty is more than skin deep. Everything about him radiates a splendor I can only hope to ever achieve. I suppose it was that day a few months ago, when we had an interview and photo shoot together, that made me realize just how much I adore him and the music he creates.

I wish I could let go of everything from that night, though. I know, I know... that sounds even worse. Why would I want to let go of memories that I seem to cherish so much? Well, that's exactly it. I hold them _too_ close to my heart. It's just not healthy. Thinking about someone day in and day out, always wondering if they're thinking about you.... Insanity. Maybe that's the definition of it. To always think of what you cannot have and still not let go when you know you cannot have it.

Then I guess I'm insane. I suppose that clears up a few things from over the years. Haha... funny. Or not. Really, it's just the biting truth. I'm lost on a straight path; wandering around in circles in the middle of the road, confused as to why I'm here. Yeah, that sounds about right.

You see, the problem isn't that I think he's beautiful or that I wonder about him all the time. The _real_ problem, the root of all of this, is that I'm gay and he's not. I want him so bad I can nearly taste him on my tongue... and yet, that will never _ever_ happen. I'm sure if he knew about all I did that day with him and why I did it, he'd fall over dead from shock.

I watched him when he changed... of course, I was very careful to not let it seem like that was what I was doing. But still, can you imagine me peering over at him from beneath my bangs as he unclothed his lithe body? Yeah... that's what I thought. I guess I sunk really low that day. I feel like I'm sinking lower every time I think of him. And that's why I have to get rid of him in my mind.

The thoughts started out innocent enough, but now they've morphed into something I can't even begin to convey. At first, all I wanted was to see him again, to talk to him and become his friend. I called him once and left a short message. He never called back. Maybe he forgot or maybe I gave off the vibe I didn't intend to and scared him off. Who knows? It's irrelevant why he didn't call at this point.

Then the thoughts changed, they grew fangs and sunk their tiny little pin-point teeth into my flesh. They drank from me more than they ever should have and now this bitter, angst-ridden me is all that's left. I started dreaming about him beneath me in the dead of the night. Of his moans echoing off my four walls loud enough to wake the neighbors. Of his sweet, sweet tongue tracing over my stiff length. Oh hell, here I go again. This is so wrong! ... Apparently my cock begs to differ.

I've given in to these fantasies too many times already. If he knew that I had even once, much less the dozen or so times I have, he'd probably want to strangle me until I no longer existed. Or maybe he'd just want to get the fuck away from me. ... Or both.

Why can't I ever make it simple for myself and want someone who wants me back? First I wanted Yukke, our bassist. That was... devastating, to say the least. He almost left the band when he found out that I, the man he'd called his best friend for years, wanted to fuck him until he screamed. I suppose the way he found out wasn't exactly right either, though. He found me writing on my laptop late one night, my words telling every single detail of what I wanted to do with him. That wasn't the brightest idea on my part, but I wanted to get it all out so that I would maybe stop wanting him so bad I got a hard-on every time he walked by. Well, I fucked that one up real nicely.

And I guess I'm heading down the road of fucking this one up, too, since I'm sitting here typing this. At least if anyone finds me this time, it won't be about them. There's not a chance in hell Ryutaro could walk into this cafe and find me sitting here, typing about how much I want him and how bad I've screwed up in the past. Besides, I'm in the corner, no one can lean over my shoulder to look. My back is toward two plaster walls, completely on purpose.

I reach over and take a sip of my coffee. I don't usually like coffee, but this is actually kind of good. The waitress got tired of me drinking only water and brought me this for free.

It's almost midnight. I'm the only nutcase still out sitting around in an all night cafe, typing for who knows what reason. Oh yeah... to get it out. Well... here goes nothing.

_I smooth my hands over his sides, using just enough pressure to not tickle, but not nearly enough to give what he so desperately wants. His mewling pleas fall on my ears like the rain pouring from the sky above us. He's so beautiful like this... more so than usual. Drenched in rainwater, his naked body beneath mine. Every drop of water that cascades down his body, I ache to lick away._

_His hands reach up and tangle in the red strands of my hair and he tugs urgently until I lean down and press my lips to his. His tongue immediately begs for entrance and I grant him this desire, just like any other. When I part my lips, he immediately invades my mouth, searching and tasting every bit of me. I explore him equally, wanting him just as bad, if not more, than he wants me._

_Our bodies slide together, the rain providing some form of lubrication between us. My cock brushes against his and he jerks away from the kiss to let out the most magnificent cry of pleasure I've ever heard. Even in the midst of bliss, his voice is akin to the most glorious music in the universe. I long to hear that sound again - over and over until the end of time._

_I thrust against him wantonly, my length throbbing with desire at every movement. He's just as hard as I am. He arches into my touches, trying to get more from each one. It's everything I ever imagined it would be... and we aren't anywhere near done._

_I slip back and readjust myself, pressing my cock against his puckered entrance - pushing gently, as if to ask permission. He presses toward me and I enter him in one swift movement, the rain slicking my passage into his body. He cries out and I capture the sound in my own mouth, drinking it down as if it were my own. My hand finds his weeping erection and I tend to him as I would to myself._

_He starts to move against me and I know it's time. I begin a steady rhythm, too wanton to hold back and go slow. My movements aren't sweet or gentle, but rather lust-filled and rushed. I can feel my end coming up on me fast. I shift positions just a fraction of an inch, to push into him at just the right angle and he screams beneath me, such a beautiful sound. I thrust harder with each turn, desperately needing what I'm so close to grasping, and wanting him to follow me into this unique death._

_His legs clamp around my thighs and I push myself into him three more times before I'm falling. I fall so fast and so hard, it reminds me of how I fell so long ago. As I swim this ocean of the dead, I tug at him, wanting him to follow, breathlessly begging him to follow. He lets go and falls with me, his screams echoing off the surrounding mountains, filling every crevice and plateau with his music. Together we find our way in the darkness, clinging to the last shreds of the light above us, lest we lose ourselves for too long._

_And then we're back, lying in the rain, soaking wet and covered in our own residue. I reach skyward, allowing the earth to cleanse me of my sins. He lies beneath me, taking my sins onto him and then letting them flow away. Even covered in shame, he is full of beauty._

I swallow hard as I save and close the document. My cock is achingly hard in my pants and I know I can't stand up for at least twenty minutes. I stare at my wallpaper, wondering what on earth possesses me to write such things out, much less imagine them in the first place. I'm so absorbed in my own world that it takes three tries before the person who's sat down at my table with me gains my attention.

My gaze flicks up and meets a pair of deep brown, fully expressive eyes. My breath sticks in my throat. I recognize those eyes, far too well. My breath catches and I stare at him slack-jawed. "Ryu?"

The softest of smiles caresses his mouth and he nods. "I kept trying to reach you, but I think I have your number wrong."

I rub at my eyes and slowly close my laptop. "Unh... how did you find me here?"

"Hard not to when you decided to reside in my favorite home away from home." He gestures around the establishment and then to my waitress. "That's Tasha. She's my cousin's wife. She's a sweetheart... and a bit of a snitch. She thought she recognized you and I'd been griping about not being able to reach you, so she called to ask me come down here."

Tasha ambles up behind Ryutaro and places her hands on his shoulders. "Ha! I didn't ask him a damn thing. I told him to get his scrawny ass over here right this instant." Her blue eyes rake over me and a knowing smile flirts with her lips. "After all... you _want_ him to be here, don't you?"

I must look like someone's gone and shot me, because she laughs and then waves her hand in the air, as if clearing it. "Never mind. Silly boys. Now get out of here, both of you. I want to go on break."

Ryutaro turns slightly and hugs her, letting go quickly and then stands up. He nods his head toward the door and grins at me. "So... my place?"

I quickly stand up and shove my laptop into my bag. I gesture toward Tasha. "Is she American?"

"Born and raised. But she gave up her citizenship last year to marry Takamaru. Why?"

I give him a sheepish smile as I pull out a few bills and toss them on the table. He gives me an odd look and I start for the door, explaining as we leave. "The custom in America is to tip for good service. I think she'll understand once you tell her I know she's from there."

"Ah, I see. I'll let her know. She'll probably appreciate the sentiment." He smiles as he makes sure the door is firmly shut behind us and then heads off down the street. "I only live about a block from here."

I follow him, somewhat afraid of just what Tasha's told him. But how could she know what I was writing? Maybe she saw the obvious erection I was sporting. Come to think of it, I really shouldn't be walking around right now either. I glance down and my cheeks immediately heat up. Of course I had to choose today of all days to wear these damn tight blue jeans rather than my usual baggy clothing. It's fairly evident that I'm aroused and I wonder if Ryutaro would ever even think about looking at me _there_. I dismiss the thought as we turn up a narrow alleyway and he pauses to unlock a gate.

Wow... he actually lives in a small house. Classy. We make our way through the flowering garden and up the two stone steps to his back door. He unlocks that and has to push two cats back with his foot before we can enter.

"I hope you're not allergic to cats..."

I shake my head. "I'm not."

He turns his head slightly and smiles as I trail after him into the darkened room. The door clicks shut behind me and I can tell it's one of the ones that locks itself when you leave it in the right position just from the sound of it. He doesn't pause to take off his shoes, but I linger at the threshold to the next room, unsure if I should follow or not. Finally, I just toe my shoes off and place my laptop bag beside them before rushing after him.

I find myself alone in the next room and I stand there confused for a moment before I hear his soft voice from further back in the house.

"I'm in here, Tatsu.... Is it okay if I call you that?"

I smile a bit, liking the nickname when it comes from his lips. "Sure..." I follow his voice and end up in the bedroom, where he's sitting on the edge of the bed. His shoes are lying beside the bed and I assume that's why he's come in here.

I stand there, staring at him like a dolt until he motions for me to come over and he slides further back on the bed. Slowly, I make my way over and sit gingerly on the very edge of the bed.

He laughs, low and sweet, and reaches out to tug at my arm. "Come over here."

I slide further onto the bed and he flops onto his back, tugging me with him. I end up half over him and he grins up at me as his hand slides into my hair.

"You look so scared... but I know you want this just as much as I do. You watched me the entire photo shoot and then you called me after... it's all too obvious that you wanted to get into my pants." He just sounds matter-of-fact, not cocky or mocking.

I nod and the gentle smile on his face increases ever so slightly.

"I'm all yours. Tell me what you want and I'll do it."

I know the look on my face must be relatively stupid, but he doesn't comment on it. I want so badly to just take him, right here, right now... but I can't. If I do, he'll think that's all I want - a meaningless roll in the hay. But that's not it, not at all. I want more than he's probably ever fathomed.

Finally, I bow my head and close my eyes. "I... don't get me wrong, I want you. I just... I can't let this be all there is to it."

His fingers slide through my red and black strands and a thoughtful look appears on his face. "You want more than just my body?"

I nod, almost too vigorously. "Ryu, you're so kind and-"

He cuts me off with a short kiss. "Shh... don't. For now, let's just let this happen. And then after, if we still want more than this, then we'll work it out then. Okay?"

I almost laugh to myself. Such a man! I'm so used to dealing with guys who want all talk and no sex that this is a whole new ballgame for me. Sex first, talk later... that sounds like a wonderful idea. I let the smile that's tugging at my lips escape and then lean down and let my mouth just barely whisper against his. "Sounds like a plan..."

Before I can even get any further, his mouth is pressed hungrily against mine and his free hand is pulling my body closer to his. He moans into my mouth as I gasp at the contact of his body against my still-present erection. He grinds himself up against me as his tongue invades my mouth.

I can already tell this won't last nearly long enough. I'm so wound up from my damn fantasy and the way he's moving against me doesn't promise slow sex. His movements tell a tale of hurried passion and all-consuming fire. I let him guide us, telling him by following that he can take this as fast or as slow as he wants.

It isn't long before his hands begin to roam, his fingers finding their way down to the buttons on my jeans and quickly unbuttoning them. When his hand slips inside, I almost expect an ice cold touch, but instead he's burning hot - just the same as me. He doesn't even hesitate as his slim fingers wrap around my cock and he begins to stroke. I climb higher and higher, just off of the simplest of touches. And I think he knows it, because his mouth leaves mine and he attacks my neck instead.

I don't know how he does it, but before I can even think about it, his pants are falling to the ground beside of the bed and he's tugging me closer again, his hand still wrapped tightly around me, pulling me toward total bliss.

I allow myself to let go, to do everything I want to do to him. I push his shirt upward and he lets go of me to pull it off, reaching for mine in turn. Once we're completely naked, I can't help but gaze at the beauty trapped beneath me. His eyes tell me he's shy, but his mouth tells me to fuck him. And then he's pressing lubricant and a condom into my hand. I take the offered items and make quick work of the wrapping on the condom, tossing it on the floor as I roll the rubber over my length, purposely playing with myself as he stares up at me.

The way his lips part and his breath comes shorter tells me he enjoys watching my show as much as I like giving it. I let go of myself and unscrew the cap on the lube, quickly dousing two of my fingers with the substance and then leaning down and kissing him as a distraction. I press one finger into him, as slowly as I can. He doesn't even flinch, only kisses me back harder. As I slip the second in, his muscle tenses for a moment and then relaxes, allowing me all the way in. He moans into my mouth as I pump my digits slowly in and out of him, preparing him for my aching length.

He must sense my urgency... or mirror it, because his lube-slicked hand slides over my cock, coating me in the clear liquid. And then his hand is gone and he's bucking against my fingers, mewling into my mouth. I quickly abandon any thought I had of prolonging this and hastily remove my fingers, repositioning myself so that I'm pressed against his entrance. I pull back from the kiss and watch him as I enter him with one smooth stroke.

I'm so aroused, I almost lose it right there, just from the feeling of him wrapped so tightly around me. He moans wantonly and I force myself to start to move, praying I can hang on at least long enough to bring him off with me. Every thrust into his body tries me, pushing me higher than I thought I could go. My entire body throbs in time with the blood trapped in my cock. I need to cum so badly, it hurts. I feel light-headed and I realize I've been holding my breath ever since I entered him.

I draw fresh air into my lungs as I continue to thrust, faster and harder with every motion. His legs slide up around my waist and pull me closer each time I push myself into him. I'm teetering on the edge, so close to falling off I can't even think. And yet, through the fog, I manage to remember to wrap my hand around his neglected length, pumping him in time with my thrusts, my grip firm and demanding. Almost instantly, he arches violently from the bed and then he's spilling himself over my hand, his inner muscles clenching around me. I can't hold on any longer and I cry out his name as I release myself.

Even once my orgasm has passed, I'm still left trembling and gasping for air above him, barely bracing myself up. I slip from him and he rolls us over onto our sides. He reaches down and pulls off the condom, tossing it into the wastebasket I neglected to see before now. And then he's pressing himself fully against me, burying his face in the crook of my neck. I hold him close, a smile finding its way to my lips. Right now, all I want is to hold him like this. We'll talk later... because there's always later.

**The End**  



End file.
